The Unexpected Gift

When I decided almost 7 years ago that I wanted to homeschool my children my motivation was fairly selfish.  I was so enamored with my beautiful smart 2 year old son that the idea of sending him off to someone else for the day was ludicrous.  First off, I would miss him desperately while he was away each day, and secondly, how could I send him off at age 3? I would see him basically only during summers and vacations until he was 18 at which time he would go AWAY to college.  It was all going too fast already.  One day he was a beautiful little newborn that they had placed in my arms, the next he was an adorable precocious little toddler who astounded me.  I had never thought about homeschooling before kids, but then again I had never thought about co-sleeping or child led weaning either and those felt completely natural to me.

My husband was not difficult to convince.  At first he thought, “just for pre-school”.  Then I bought the book Teach Your Own by John Holt with the intention of learning more about this new life we had chosen.  Unfortunately I do not make time to read, so the book sat there until one day Kevin picked it up.  When he finished it he looked at me and said-

“this book could have been written about my educational experience.  Our children are never going to public school”.

I was fortunate to have gone to private school for junior high and high school and considered my time at that place a pretty happy one where I received a great education.  My husband, who is the smartest person I have ever met, had a miserable school experience, beginning the battle against school at age 5 and dropping out at 16.  So, my work was done, he was convinced.  But his take on it got me thinking beyond the purely selfish reasons I had chosen to keep him, and any future children we might have, home.

As we moved ourselves into this world of homeschooling I learned a million different reasons why people homeschool – Christian education, one on one education, education tailored to your child specifically, and learning through everyday living.  These were all exciting reasons to let your child learn at home and in the community.  I was excited to take part in their education – to re-learn stuff I had loved, or I had missed.

Shortly after we made our decision to homeschool, I was working with a woman I had known professionally for a while, and I found out for the first time that she was a fellow homeschooler.  When I told her that we had decided to homeschool she said to me – “all of my non-homeschool mom friends complain about how fast their children’s childhood had gone, but me, I don’t feel that way because I have been there for everything.  I have seen it all and been part of everything.”  That was the perfect thing for me to hear.  I was so excited and her words reinforced that we were making the right decision. There were so many benefits for our children, so many for ourselves.

But there is one reason to homeschool I did not know about, one no one talked about, but I have seen it time and again first hand and it is one of the best gifts I could have imagined.  I have given my children the gift of a childhood that goes at its own pace.  There is no outside pressure to grow up too fast, stop playing with toys too soon, or give up the amazing gift of imagination.  I saw this gift unfold one day through the eyes of my oldest when he was 7.  I think the idea must have been lingering somewhere in my brain, but he put the words out there.

We were on a play date with a client of mine, who happens to homeschool.  Martin was 7 at the time, the other boy 9.  After an awesome pay date, Martin said-“Mom, can I ask you a question? Why is he 9 years old but he still likes all the same things I do?”  To which I replied- “He is homechooled and no one has told him he can’t.”  Martin had 2 other non-homeschooled friends at the time, both 9 and they did not really like to play the same way as he did anymore, and he hated it.

The outside pressure to be older seemed ever present.   As I watch Martin play with his new homeschooled and unschooled friends there seems to be little thought given to what or who society says they should be playing with and only thoughts given to what makes them happy and holds their interest. I rarely hear them ask each other how old they are or what “grade they are in”.  At a recent gathering of children, mostly from this new community, I watched a group of kids aged 5 to 14 playing together in some sort of Star Wars meets Dragon ball epic battle.   Age didn’t matter.  Nothing mattered but having fun.

The gift of a slow-paced childhood is immeasurable and is making its way to the top of my “favorite reasons we homeschool list.”

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2 Responses to The Unexpected Gift

  1. Your Mom says:

    Karin, I nearly wept reading this essay. Time and again, Thom and I talk about how amazing our grandchildren are, how inquisitive, observant, and lively each are in his/her own way! I have observed that the thing with homeschooling is that there are NO square pegs being shoved into round holes… and that is how I often felt about Kevin’s school experiences… You have shared the “secret” of homeschooling… that it truly allows a child to be a child, without external expectations and pressures, to learn what is important to learn, at a pace that is so much more natural! So proud of you both, for having the foresight and faith to follow this path, and so grateful that you have been able to connect with a like-minded “tribe”, for support and affirmation! We Love you all! 🙂

  2. SBK says:

    Thank you for giving me a lot to think about. I am in that same spot where you started – Ryus is two, and public schools just look yucky. I have no idea what we will choose, but I am grateful to have your articulate points to add to my ponderings. Cheers to you and yours. sbk

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